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We've been friends for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered many obstacles, and I respect her for that. But, she's repeatedly taken by surprise by others. Her spouse walked away, and it was an unexpected event. Several of her social circle disappeared at that point, because they seemed only interested in him. This surprised her deeply. She made more effort to be my friend, and must have understood more acutely the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, quite a few of her friends have disappeared without her being sure why. Her previous job turned on her, although she had been an excellent employee, and she left unaware of why things shifted.

Present Situation

Lately, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in our friendship feels one-sided. I introduce topics of conversation but she shifts them to her own topics. In terms of politics, she expresses firm beliefs. I try to propose verifying facts or other angles.

She is arranging a vacation to a nation I've visited on several occasions even called home previously. I tried to offer advice, but this was met with resistance. She purely only wanted me to confirm her choices. I recently ended four weeks there she hopes to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want to act as a friend who cuts and runs without a word, however, I feel she will ever grasp the consequences of how she acts on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is distancing myself. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

One option is to walk away, but it is not often the easy answer we imagine. But confrontation aiming for a solution takes courage and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically exactly what occurs. The second is to tell how this leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no dispute on this point. What you feel belong to you, of course. The third step is to ask how the two of you will alter the pattern of your friendship."

Remember your friend has a point of view, so you need to remain ready to listen to her. An approach that works involves stating to the other person:

"Now you talk and I promise to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's remarkably effective to encourage mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

Your friend could ignore everything, for those who have a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a narrative regarding their experiences they cannot let go of since their identity is tied to it and it represents they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path with these people, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out this way and then think your perspective. And should you never reach an agreement, you'll have satisfaction knowing you were open and direct.